Thursday, March 22, 2007

There is . . .

There are days, every once in a while, that seem not to belong to me. On these days, I feel as if I am mourning a death -- I would go so far as to say that I know someone or something has died, disappeared, gone away, been corrupted. But I can never figure out who it is, and why it hurts me so much. And I wonder whose sorrow I am bearing. For surely it is not mine -- neither part nor parcel of my life, so happy and blessed.

Today is one of those days.

There is sorrow. Under cover of night there is sorrow fed by insomnia. Il y a . . . more than one should bear.


Matt said...

Everyone has days like this Monica. It could be as simple as the mood you woke up in. Maybe it's the weather. Who knows what may cause a current mood, it's a part of who you are. Sometimes a forced smile can make you feel better.

Anonymous said...

Not Everyone has days like this, Monica.

It could be as difficult as the mood you "slept" in.

Maybe it's the "whether"

The "whether" folded into its "not"


Matt is right: "it's a part of who you are"

Sometimes (many times) a forced smile does NOT make you feel better

Perhaps, you are iconic enough

"Perhaps, in the rose that you adore...

the paranthesis will never close

eclipse, life, equinox

Josh said...

I, like you, Monica, had death dreams at one point in my life. If you feel anything like I did, I'm so sorry. I truly feel for you. Once I realized that my dreams were a direct result of a piece of myself dying, they ceased.

The best explanation I can find (without typing one myself, or explaining my "dead part") is here,

where it reads:

DEAD: Seeing something dead in your dream suggests you are realising that some part of yourself, or your feelings, are no longer expressing fully.

See if that makes any sense to you. You probably cannot consciously find the one issue (if it is only one), as your subconscious is, well...subconscious. Under hypnosis you would most likely be able to bring it forth.

Monica said...

Clever, anonymous, very clever. Makes me feel slightly less under the "whether."

Monica said...


Maybe your answer is right. Or maybe there is no right answer. Or maybe it's just that "there is . . . "


Cool. Thanks for the info. I think, though, that I want to differentiate between "death dreams" (which I certainly have from time to time), and simply experiencing a daytime (or waking-time) premonition, or heaviness, that feels as if it must be equated with death.

Anonymous said...

While being might have an unbearable lightness, it seems that living has an unbearable weight.

DSW said...

So true Nedric, so true.